textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
