its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
