i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Say something about gay babies.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
