All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
