We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
