at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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