you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
