all she had left on were here heels. phone five
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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