If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
