For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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