Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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