I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
