Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
