ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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