I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
