nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
please don't ironically join a cult
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