my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm really busy with my period
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