and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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