I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
