Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
