dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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