I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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