Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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