One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
