I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
