roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i need some magic done to my vagina
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
