im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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