do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
