evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
