for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
