I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
