and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
