this just has baby written all over it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
