there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
