I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
