if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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