pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
