Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
