Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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