i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
