i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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