Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
FUCK WHALES
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
