New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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