If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
