I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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