You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
