Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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