they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
