Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
