YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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