I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
